So, I've hit an important enough milestone that I'm able to do one of these fun reflective posts. Initially, I was going to do the cliché 20 things I learnt in 20 years post, but then I realised that most of my points boiled down to one thing:
BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU!
Now I'm not gunna hide from the fact that until I was 14, school was the worst. I had a couple of friends, but neither were in any of my classes until year 9. This inevitably led to a lonely time for me. The constant telling a teacher that you had no-one to go with in group work was wearing and, well, it's not my favourite part the last 10 years so let's not dwell. What this type of experience does give you, however, is a sense of wanting to belong. To fit in.
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| Ah, 12 year old me before her year of 'hell'... Such innocence. Such unknowing. Such wonky teeth... |
I would try and make out that I was a rebel at home, even if I was a goody-two-shoes at school. I would try and wear the coolest outfits on mufti-days (which never worked, my clothing choices were interesting to say the least). I hoped my makeup artist ambitions would get me street-cred (they didn't) and neither did a much improved knowledge of pop music after a self-taught crash-course in Summer 2010. I tried to find my identity, from class clown in year 5 (which has led to some highly cringeworthy memories that will never be reiterated, let me tell you!), to tech geek (leading me to claim to want to be a video games tester when I was 11- I didn't even play many video games🙈).
However, the people I wanted to impress and like me didn't become my friends. On the other hand, the friends I had at the beginning of secondary school, are still my friends to this day, all because one thing never changed around them...
However, the people I wanted to impress and like me didn't become my friends. On the other hand, the friends I had at the beginning of secondary school, are still my friends to this day, all because one thing never changed around them...
...me.
I embraced my weird little self. The one who didn't (and doesn't) know fashion, and accepts that. The one who will fan-girl over Miranda with anyone who will listen, despite the series finishing over 3 years (3 years!) ago. Who is unashamed that she doesn't swear and tries to live by the book. Who rarely drinks, and knows that rowdy house parties are not her scene.
Yes, there are still days when I feel like I need to find my niche; my label (more on that another time); something to be known for. I'm not there yet. But at the same time, acknowledgement is the first step.
Everyone says that your teens are the years you "find yourself". And despite the eye-rolling that quote entices, there is some truth in the matter. I remember my form tutor saying something similar to us in out first day of year 7. How we will change, and not be the same person, when we leave at 16. And Ms Robinson, you were bloomin' right! In fact, it goes beyond those 5 years, to every year of your life. I am not the same person who started my second year of uni, let alone my first. I took on roles in societies this year, and my confidence has grown. I have gained so many friends over the past 8 months, all from being 100% authentically me!
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| The things I would tell my insecure self from 6 years ago (like don't use a warm toned shadow on your brows!) |
So let me tell you again, incase the message got lost in the rambling required to make this a proper blog post over an Instagram caption:
Changing yourself to fit in will gain you nothing. Being authentically yourself will gain you everything.
Here's to the next 20 years of growth,
June xx
